Hydrogen Sulfide Suicide

I woke up this morning to Breaking News on my local morning news.  Police responded to a suspicious vehicle call around 10pm, where they found a woman slumped over in her car.  Police opened the door, whereupon they discovered a bucket with chemicals on the front seat.  The officer was overcome with the fumes and treated at the hospital for burning in his throat.  His condition is as yet unknown (update: he was released).

The regional hazmat team evacuated the surrounding neighborhood while they attempted to remove the woman from the car.  The woman did not survive.

The police are not releasing details of the chemical used, but it appears to be related to a similar suicide on the other side of town in February.  In that case, the victim left notes all over the car saying, “Do not open!!! poison gas!!! hydrogen sulfide.”  Another note, in part, read “hazmat team needed.”  When hazmat crews opened the car in that case, they measured levels of hydrogen sulfide more than 3 times the lethal limit.

Hydrogen sulfide (HS) (MSDS) is a colorless, highly flammable gas.  Humans can detect hydrogen sulfide at low concentrations, where it smells like rotten eggs.  Higher levels (~40 ppm) can irritate mucous membranes and cause headache, fatigue, dizziness, and even memory loss and bronchitis on repeated exposure.  At concentrations 50-400 ppm, can produce cough, dyspnea, hemoptysis, cyanosis, agitation, vertigo, confusion, nausea and vomiting, tremulousness, cardiac arrhythmias, hypertension, and, possibly, loss of consciousness.  According to one source, “just 2-3 breaths of HS at >700 ppm can cause immediate death.”  Most notably, prolonged exposure quickly leads to “olfactory fatigue” whereupon you can no longer smell hydrogen sulfide and can no longer detect its presence.

The mode of action is as follows: “The major route of toxicity for HS is by inhalation. At lower doses, local irritant effects predominate. At higher exposures, cellular respiration may cease as HS forms a complex bond to the iron ion in mitochondrial cytochrome oxidase, arresting aerobic metabolism in an effect similar to cyanide toxicity and affecting all organs, particularly the nervous system.”

It’s no secret that chemicals can be used for nefarious purposes.  Perhaps the most familiar is death by cyanide poisoning, with perhaps the most infamous case being the suicide of graduate student Jason Altom at Harvard in 1998.  Atropine, adrenaline, carbon monoxide, chloroform, and even the bizarre UK case of assassination by polonium.  The educated chemist has only a thin line to cross when reaching across the chemical shelf.  A good dose of respect with a large side of humility is in order as we remember the power of the knowledge we have attained.

Suicide by hydrogen sulfide was new to me.  But a wave of this type of chemical suicide swept Japan beginning in 2008.  A USA Today article written in July 2008 noted over 500 deaths so far that year from hydrogen sulfide.  One teen, who released the gas in her apartment, sickened more than 80 people throughout the complex as the gas spread from unit to unit.  Isolated cases have appeared throughout the United States in the past few years, including these two around me in the last 3 weeks.

Fortunately, emergency management teams have produced a number of documents to aid emergency responders.

  • Very detailed CDC bulletin on hydrogen sulfide with sections for on-site medical care as well as information for long-term care
  • St. Louis University bulletin on the dangers of and treatment for hydrogen sulfide inhalation
  • Shelby County (KY) EMS presentation on hydrogen sulfide

Other Chemistry Blog posts on suicides in chemistry.

On behalf of the Chemistry Blog community, anyone struggling with thoughts of suicide – especially anyone who came to this page today for that reason – is urged to call 911, your local emergency response number, or any of the numerous national and local suicide hotlines available.  The comments of this post will be closely monitored.  Anyone attempting to post recipes for the generation of hydrogen sulfide gas will have their comments removed immediately.

Update: Chemjobber sends along an article from The Atlantic magazine talking in sometimes raw emotion about the suicide mentality that seems to be problematic in parts of Japan.

Update2: An updated list of places to contact if you are contemplating suicide today.  Please talk to someone.

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  1. Anyone can find the ingredients for H2S suicide. It is not a state secret.

  2. What a sad story… I was only aware of H2S deaths from farm accidents.

  3. I’ve often wondered at what it says about the mentality of chemists in general that this group of people who have at their fingertips any number of poisons, corrosives, radiological agents, biological agents, and good old fashioned explosives don’t use them on their fellow human-beings very often. I’ve seen depressed and angry chemists. I’ve seen chemists absolutely livid with rage at someone for ruining an experiment, but they’ve never grabbed the nearest beaker of H2SO4 and tossed it in someone’s face.

    Is it that we have developed a respect for the power of our tools and refuse to see them abused? Do we have a greater respect for the life of our fellow human-beings? Does our discipline provide us with a greater control over our own emotions? or is it that when a chemist kills someone, they’re better at disposing of the evidence?

  4. Chemists are human beings, I wouldn’t hold them in such high esteem. But if a chemist was to kill someone I would expect them to do something more subtle than sulfuric acid to the face, just saying.

  5. I’d much rather spout vitriol than throw it.

    Really though, you’d think people would just do themselves in with nitrogen–such asphyxiation is painless and probably about as ”nice” a way to go as there is. Skips all the side effects. Quite unfortunate story.

    For some interesting reading:

  6. I agree with the comment that an H2S recipe would not be hard to find, especially because most households contain the ingredients under their kitchen sinks. But PLEASE to those of you who are thinking of commiting suicide in this matter, LEAVE A NOTE FOR EMS telling them not to open doors and HAZMAT is needed! I am an EMT in Vegas and we run around all day trying to help people who WANT our help, risking our lives as we run red lights and appose traffic. (very carefully of course) Please Please Please do not endanger someone else’s life just because you want to end yours!

  7. its much to easy to say we should talk to people, but for some people myself included, its much to hard to talk about what keeps me up all night, afraid to sleep,the inability to step out my front door,i did come to this site expecting to find the recipe,yes i am weak and yes it is a cowards way ouy but trust me when i say people like me trying to do this are past caring what people think about us

  8. Dear Carl,
    Please hold on. You are cared for and your life is worth saving.
    You have a purpose planned for you.Just because you haven’t found it yet doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

    Please name one thing that you do excellently and then tell me you don’t care what happens to you.

    You have more bravado than many I know and you are not a coward after posting this bare the soul post.

  9. Pingback: Suicide by painful chemical gas – not the way to go! | The EXIT euthanasia blog

  10. I think Carl is dead now…….. Hope he left a not for the Em Services

  11. I can understand Carl. Right now the pain has stopped. But it will come back, and then the thoughts will too. Nothing can be done against the pain as it’s not organic. I’ve been receiving psychotherapy for 7 years now, take antidepressants and whatever is available to ease the pain, at least. But I’m single, and the last time I had a conversation with someone was… last week Friday (not counting greeting the cashier at the supermarket). My boss is unhappy with my work and nobody talks to me at the department anymore. My family, well, they live 3 hours away from here and always find an excuse to hang up after a minute or so on Skype. I used to go to Church until last year in December, but people never talked to me there either. Name something I can do? Not sure… There are a few, but I’m not good enough to find a job with it when my contract ends in August. And it’s not like 911 or suicide line would help. I’ve tried it and they hanged up on me. Anyway, for the moment I’m hanging on, but the question always is: Until when?

  12. Keep up hope, Cathy. You can always email me if you need a friend to talk to. azmanam {at} chemistry-blog {dot} com

  13. Cathy: Please call this number (1-800-784-2433) and speak to one of the volunteers. Also, try going to http://www.reddit.com/r/suicidewatch and reading some of the posts there from people who are going through similar situations. Maybe you could try posting your story as well. They are a good group of people and it really might do you some good to talk about it.

  14. I have 2 months of living expenses left and can’t find a job. I won’t be homeless, death is preferable. I’m too old to find anything of value in working 60+ hours per week at McDonalds’s just to (barely) afford the cheapest available apt. Have you seen those kinds of places? They’re disgusting — I’m living in one right now. Plus assorted other problems including childhood sexual abuse (mult perps, started at young age which finally ended at 18, zero support and a society which blames women for being “so sexy men just can’t help themselves” and a new rapist who won’t take no for an answer around every corner.

    Most folks act like the only cause of suicide is bad brain chemistry instead of noticing that so many men are such animals. If I could find a job then I would wait. Maybe. But then again I’m looking forward to ending the pain. The world is full of judgemental idiots who blame the victim. I’m done with that. Once upon a time I hoped a painless method was available to me, but apparently not. So be it.

    • K,

      I don’t know if you are still around to read this but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what you have been through. I am ashamed to admit this to you but I am a guy and I HATE, HATE, HATE what my gender has done to you. So you can understand where I am coming from, I am a 40 year old virgin which I hope can make you feel more comfortable reading this post since it shows that the whole “can’t help oneself” is crap. And yes, I am telling the truth. No one will ever know who I am, including you, so I have no reason to lie. It’s one reason I like to write the ocassional post. I can be honest and express my true feelings without fear.

      Anyways, when I read your post I felt so bad because of the way you’ve been treated I just wanted to respond. When I read your comment about how people say “men just can’t help themselves” I was furious. Animals operate on instinct whereas humans have the ability to think and reason; or at least they’re supposed to have that ability. If it’s really true that people “can’t help themselves” then why can’t I go out and commit murder. I can’t help myself. Or how about stealing. I can’t help myself. Give me a break. Are you trying to tell me that these idiots have absolutely no self-control what-so-ever? If so, why do they force themselves to get up every morning to go to work? I know I don’t always want to go, but I control my feelings and go. They CAN control themselves. They choose not to and should pay for their crimes. It’s not your fault. Let me say that again, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! It’s theirs and only theirs. I don’t care if an absolutely gorgeous gal was walking naked in front of me. There is NEVER any excuse for rape. NEVER. Self-control may be difficult sometimes (I have that problem with food since I use it for comfort) but it is not impossible, especially when it hurts others. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR!!!

      Sorry, you touched a bit of a nerve there. I know you don’t want to hear this from me but I so want to fall in love and be with that one special person that when I hear how so many guys treat girls it about drives me nuts. I’m not at all attractive, I’m fat, and I don’t much care for my personality, so I know I don’t have much chance. Actually, I believe that I don’t have any chance since, even if I ever found someone that was interested in me, I would not do something so cruel as let her get with me. Anyways, that’s why, when I see the way so many guys treat gals, I want to go up and shake them saying, “Hey you stupid idiot! Don’t you know what you’ve got? What on earth do you think you’re doing?” And I also would like to know why so many of these gals, who are often very nice, kind, sweet, and beautiful inside and out, are staying with these jerks?

      I don’t get it. The world and life sucks. I too am planning on exiting this scene. I’ve already got some of the chemicals I need and I know where I can get the rest. There is a little more planning I need to do to minimize the impact on others, such as my family, and a few plans other I still need to make but I believe it’s just a matter of time. My problems are my fault, not anyone elses. A couple of weeks ago I made my first and last visit with a psychologist who basically told me that very thing. My situation is my fault. Your situation is NOT your fault.

      I must say again I am so sorry for how you’ve been treated. If you choose suicide, I can certainly understand although I would hope you wouldn’t take such action because of what other fricking jerks have done. Sometimes I hate the fact that I’m a guy because of how most guys are. It’s very shameful and although I know it won’t do any good, I want to apologize again. I am sorry… no that’s not enough. I can’t seem to express how horrible I feel about how you’ve been treated by guys. I really do hope, however, that the insensitive, criminal, depraved, execrable actions of some worthless guys as well as the heartless attitude of other people don’t drive you to do something you would rather not do.

      If you so choose, please take care of yourself and I hope you can find happiness, peace, and contentment. I wish you all the best.


  15. K, please keep up hope! Call one of the numbers listed above or browse over to the Reddit page (http://www.reddit.com/r/suicidewatch) or email me if you’d like someone to talk to 🙂

  16. Stewie Griffin says:

    To anyone feeling down, I strongly suggest reading a book by Dr. David Burns called “Feeling Good”. I’m not one to suggest cheesy self-help books. This book is the real deal; it will walk you through showing how your thoughts are distorted from reality and how to go about changing them. It also covers current medications for treating depression. I got a copy off of Amazon for $6 and there’s a bunch going for 1 cent plus 4 bucks shipping. It’s worth every penny.

  17. Oil prices northern ireland says:

    What an absoulute tragic story, people really dont no the dangers off fossil fuels like oil and gas and the dangers that they can employ. Suicide is not the answer tho and my thoughts really do go out to the loved ones.

    {edit: link removed}

  18. Monsterhunter says:

    H2S “silent killer” can cause death or permanent damage! suicide is not the answer!

  19. God speed if your gonna off yourself, but give us emergency services workers some courtesy and leave us a damn note

  20. I think a friend killed himself this way..
    Details are sketchy, but he was found in his room, dead with a 5 gallon drum of chemicals- he left a note ‘poison gas’ on his door,and the neighbors noticed a stench of rotten eggs- the police needed hasmat suits to recover him. Nice guy, but now he’s in Hell, and his kids are without a dad. What a bad decision

  21. People who concider suicide need to realize the emotional devistation it causes family and friends. If you have kids and decide to kill yourself, you will scar your kids for life. You will give yourself a scarlet letter of sorts- It will be impossible for people to think about your without thinking of the suicide, so loved ones and friends will eventually try and forget about you, or will just refer to you as someone who killed themself. 20 years ago a cousin commited suicide- that wrecked her whole family, and they have done their best to forget she ever existed, getting rid of family photos, etc. Thinking iof her is just too painful.

    • What about if you have no family or friends? I have no one in my life that will be impacted if I kill myself. Actually the world may be a better place, just one less person to have to put up with.

      • Hey, Mike. Sounds like you’re feeling lonely and perhaps a bit lost and looking for purpose? Send me an email (azmanam at chemistry-blog dot com) and let’s talk.

  22. Suicide = trading temporary difficulty in life for an eternity in Hell. Hardly a good trade.

    • No proof of there being such place. More prove of reincarnation. If anything, this is a way to start a new life and make new memories.

  23. Ted – I’m sorry for your loss.

  24. My son Brian ended his life using this horrible method. Ye, he did leave a note. Our family is devastated but he never reached out for help. When he became very depressed he pulled away from family. As for your comment Ted. R. I am very offended. Our God is a loving and forgiving God. Brian suffered from an illness just as devastating as terminal cancer. Who are you to judge? My believe is that he is in heaven. I do want to urge anyone with major depression to get help. You can’t conquer this illness alone. God Bless You.

  25. Melinda, I’m sorry for your loss, but in the Christian Bible, it makes it clear suicide is an unforgivable act, and results in the ultimate form of punishemnet- an eternity in Hell – If you don’t know this, you know nothing of the Bible.
    I hope anyone concidering suicide reaches out for help- to end your life dooms not only your body, but your soul as well.

    • Ted R, there is only ONE sin in the Bible that is “unforgivable” and that is “renouncing Christ”. No where does it say killing yourself sends you to hell. Many people think this and it is NOT true. There is not one verse in “The Holy Bible” (not Christain Bible), that says this… A “scare tactic” if you will, many have used over the years so that people would not commit suicide (because they would be afraid of going to hell). If you really read your Bible, you would know this. It is ignorance like this about Christ, His Word, His love and forgiveness that saddens me. I challenge you to find where in The Bible, THE HOLY BIBLE (King James Version) (not one that man has “re-written” to suit our needs) that one will live eternally in hell if they take their own life… I hate when people say “well they are in hell now because they committed suicide” just because that is what some people/religions believe. So sad that that statement is thrown around so harshly, especially when it is 100% and completely NOT TRUE!!

      • There is no scientific proof that God even exists. The bible was written by man as a book of stories to give people hope and a guide to live a moral life. The near death experiences where people appear to see a bright light is the brain’s electrical signals firing off as it’s dying. As for eternity in hell? We’ll never know it, feel it or experience it because with our brain and all our senses dead, we won’t have any recollection of it. Even if our souls go to “hell”, we won’t experience it without our brain to process it. I believe in one of 2 things. We blink out of existance and total dreamless sleep for eternity or our soul is transferred to another being as it’s born with new memories to create. I hope for the latter and i hope my time is up soon.

  26. I have a Christian friend who struggles with suicidal thoughts and the only thing separating suicidal thought from action for her is thinking she will be condemned to Hell. As a seminary student (and a chemist, incidentally), there is much in the Christian Bible that contradicts the “if you commit suicide, God will condemn you to Hell.’ There is ONLY one unforgivable sin in the Christian Bible, and that is to deny Christ as Lord and Savior of one’s life. But, there are many branches of protestantism and many doctrinal beliefs (not always truly Biblical) that go along with those. For, me, ANYTHING, even if it isn’t truth that can keep a person hanging on and not yielding to suicide should not be toyed with, however. So, to my friend who struggles and the fear of Hell keeps her alive ….. I will be the last person to remove the thread she hangs on. But, for those who have lost someone to suicide it is a cruel lie to burden them with the myth that their loved one could be in Hell. Technically, If the person accepted Christ as their Lord and savior, they are in Heaven, regardless of how they died.

  27. Amy, the Bible says everyone goes to hell and hell simply means death. The Bible teaches of a resurrection and maybe we get one maybe not. The churches probably taught against suicide as nobody would do the work if they got smart and left. Your idea that people are all in heaven is laughable.

    I am planning on leaving soon. I am almost out of money and 56 jobs behind me and over 50. I really hate this place and especially the united states which is nothing but a military machine that has no interest in peace.

    This may all be a dream. I have no intention of calling some stupid number to have somebody tell me I should live and I ask you to mind your own damn business.

    I believe a bag over the head with a helium drip is the best way to go. Off to sleepy land and cya.

  28. J, praying for you. Just to clarify: I never said everyone goes to heaven. You are partially right, all people who don’t know Christ as their savior do go to Hell. But, those who believe in Jesus as the Son of God who died for their sins on the cross go to Heaven.

    Suicide being an unforgivable sin that dooms one to Hell, is a Catholic belief based upon their other belief that only a priest can absolve a person from their sins. With suicide there are no ‘last rites’ where all sins are absolved by a priest for the last time before death, assuring them of heaven (so they believe).

    In protestant belief a person can go to God themselves through Jesus as their Savior. And, it is believed that believing in Jesus, forgives a person of all their sins past, present, and future. So, while not looked upon favorably, suicide is not an ‘unforgivable sin.’

    However, it is not my intent to ‘change’ anyone’s belief system – just to say that the Bible does not say suicide is an ‘unforgivable sin.’

    Like the chemistry better! Where a 2 is always a 2, and not up for so much interpretation!

  29. ZigZagBoom says:

    The cwazy Jeebus freaks are the scourge of the internets. Those locusts even manage to descend on a blog about chemistry, which, like the other hard sciences, receives surprisingly scant treatment in the supposed owner’s manual laid down by the creator. You would think he might have slipped Avogadro’s number in there or something, since he was all knowing. Let them spew their nonsense elsewhere. What is notable is the US has some of the highest rates of mental illness in the industrialized world, yet some of the lowest rates of effective treatment. (National Comorbidity Survey, http://www.mentalhealthinitiative.org, etc.) That is the real tragedy. Yeah, probably related to our 37th rank in healthcare effectiveness. But we can’t have effective healthcare, that would be g-dless communism!

  30. If the Bible were pure fiction, it would still contain a lot of good information. However, the Bible and other great works were translated by mankind and can be tempered towards the benefit of the one transcribing them. Let’s face it if there wasn’t any Hell/condemnation who would fill the pews. The Universe is a collection of energy, everything we think and concentrate on is manifested energy. If you believe in Hell then so shall it be for yourself.
    A sociologist interviewed 30 suicide survivors who had attempted suicide by leaping from the Golden Gate Bridge (continuously the location of the highest number of suicides per year, 30+ since being constructed). While interviewing these individuals and without any prompting on the interviewer’s part, each of these individuals referred to the fact that about two thirds of the way down they each determined that what had caused them to go over the edge was fixable. Except for the fact, they were now plummeting towards the water below.
    SUICIDE: No Guarantee, references some bizarre repercussions regarding suicide. Established religions do not allow for reincarnation. Perhaps the high number of suicides in Japan are a direct result of their belief in reincarnation. There are those who believe that suicide stops forward progress on something or purpose that you are supposed to complete in this lifetime. By not carrying that out you may be required to reincarnate for the purpose of fulfilling that task and the next time through the circumstances may be even tougher than if you had completed your lifetime, now. If reincarnation does in fact exist, wouldn’t it be nice if those corporate officials who through self indulgence and greed were made to come back and suffer from the pollution and corruption they created prior?
    Most people don’t even realize that there is an enzyme secreted through the lower spinal column that biologically enhances suicidal tendencies. If you don’t seek help on the onset chances are you won’t overcome the tendencies by yourself.
    Volunteer to help someone else less fortunate than you. If you are hungry , volunteer at places that serves meals to those in need (now a days it’s an entire family). I guarantee you will be fed. If you’re looking for a place to sleep volunteer at a community shelter, you will be given a place to sleep. Make yourself useful, the rewards will give you self worth and rebuild your self esteem.
    So who the hell am I? I lost my job in 2008 (before the economics went to hell). I had medical issues and the company I was working for was looking for new insurance. They let a bunch of us go. Back then I was happy to leave because the company had employed some questionable tactics and the good and smart people had already left. During the three years out of work I’ve been in the hospital eleven times and have amassed over one million dollars in medical expenses. Just last February (2011), I had a partial amputation of my right foot. Before going into surgery I enquired of my surgeon “If he was great at gift wrapping?” I had been to wound care for over two years and the wound was located in an area that surgeons usually required that portion of skin tissue in order to make a flap. The only other alternative was to remove my leg below the knee. Well everything came out okay and I stayed off my right foot for three months so as to not blow-out the excellent work he had done.
    During the 3+ years I’ve been un-employed, I have been an unpaid guinea pig for a treatment which kills the MRSA infection (more people die per year from MRSA (commonly referred to as Hospital Staph infection) than AIDS. I belong to an organization that does numerous charitable work for the children within the community. I survive on a day to day basis and HOPE is what keeps me going. At one point I had $.10 in one bank account and $.12 cents in another (these accounts have been closed).
    Life is a precious GIFT.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming … Wow … What a ride! – Anonymous

  31. Oh ya, I was a chemist (wet chem, spectrographic analysis, X-ray Diffraction, Dosemetry/Radiological for 21 years, thoroughly enjoyed it but always felt a need to help others. So I did Search and Rescue, volunteered for MDA, March of DIMES, Muscular Sclerosis and other worthwhile endeavors. Being analytical doesn’t preclude us from being humanitarian.

  32. Zorn Jones says:

    Zigzag, I find it interesting that you profess science your god and yet the first rule of science is to hold your mind open to the possibilities that are theoretically possible. What science has not yet done is prove a spiritual being is either existent or nonexistent. It also hasn’t proven how matter- concrete physical form of animal, vegetable & mineral-could have come from absolutely nothing as is the theory behind a “Big Bang”. Note that it is still theory. It is a different kind of theory than number theory and far, far less conclusively along in its structure.

    As for mental illness being the only cause of suicidal thinking I would beg to differ. As one who struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past & overcame them I looked for the reasons behind them. One of the theories behind sudden depressions that lead to suicidal thinking is, in fact, chemical changes in the brain that can be caused by sudden shocks from different causes.

    Some of these shocks can be physical in nature–serious accidents to the body (not necessarily the head), illnesses (some chronic, some not), head injuries that do indeed impair the brain tissue in some functional way–but some of these shocks seem simply to be internal chemical changes in response to sudden, overwhelming stress. In my case my marriage came to an abrupt end I seemed to be the only one blind to. The effect was immediate–inability to sleep, a numbness of body I couldn’t describe, crying for no reason, a gun held in my hand in the solace of a lonely wood.

    The only things that kept me going at the time were two-fold. First, I had a daughter and knew that suicides were prone to leaving children behind who were more likely to kill themselves. Second, that God you laugh at was my constant reminder that I didn’t know how God would receive me. I did and do believe in God.

    Having been born and raised a Baptist I can tell you that I was raised in a Baptist Community that believed suicides would go to hell (not hell as in the place of the dead (Hades) but hell as in the lake of fire). I’ve never personally found anything in the Bible to state either way. My reasoning has simply arrived at a place of one question I can’t answer: If my salvation lies in faith then isn’t suicide a way of saying to God I no longer have faith & therefore I don’t believe?

    I didn’t know the answer. After my head finally cleared (about 8 years of this struggle) I joined the Catholic Church. I still don’t know the answer as it is a subject of uncertainty in Catholicism. I won’t pretend to be a great Catholic Christian who attends a regular mass but I am happier believing in the possibility of redemption through God than in the possibility of having screwed up so much of my life with nothing to look forward to. I’ll take faith & leave anger, resentment, distrust, abuse of others to you.

    As for the socialistic healthcare view that is a personal matter of what you desire. So far the government has messed up Social Security, Medicare, most 401k’s but they can handle “National Healthcare”. Hmmm….

  33. The unforgiveable sin.

    Life without the Trinity.

    A beautiful son.

    Manic depression, psycho ward.

    Alcoholic wife, bitter denial and relentless hate.

    Driven engineer, athlete, pianist.

    One crashed into the cuckoo’s nest.

    The gift of life.

  34. Maybe it’s time to close the comments on this post?

  35. I believe that people who are suicidal (for whatever reason) have a moral obligation to NOT harm other people physically when they commit suicide.

    One of the primary methods of suicide is by car. People intentionally drive into bridges, embankments, etc. This is almost never reported as a suicide. I girl I grew up with (and was regarded as a family member) committed suicide this way after arguing with her husband. Everyone knew she committed suicide. I still miss her, dear sweet Amy. Whenever I see her picture I burst into tears. She did it in the middle of the night and no one else was injured. I believe that most people who commit suicide this way also do not harm other people. It’s one way to avoid the “stigma” of suicide (in some but not all cases), as well as work around the life insurance company’s refusal to pay out for a “suicide”.

    Another amoral form of suicide is “suicide by cop”. Think of the psychological damage sustained by the cops.

    I know that there are fads in suicide. This is one fad that should stop immediately.

  36. There are advantages to keeping the knowledge and materials out of reach of people who wont to take their lives. But the bigger issue is how to discover and treat these people. It’s no kind of life to exist in a state where you want to kill yourself.

    From organized government perhaps the value-of-human-life math governments use when regulating environmental dangers, or highway departments use for safety work can be applied here.

    I have been working on a brain washing project, –object to wash brains with no other agenda. It may be useful here too. Brains can get really grimy.

  37. Thank you for ending your entry with an invite to seek help, and for monitoring attempts to post recipes.
    People usually do not remain acutely suicidal for a long period of time, and help is out there.
    Suicide is the most preventable form of death. Here are some national numbers:
    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (press 1 for Veterans)
    Trevor Lifeline (for lgbtq youth): 1-866-4-U-TREVOR
    If you are reading this blog because you are having thoughts of suicide PLEASE call Lifeline or go to nearest ER.
    Lots of people care, and many know how to help!

  38. I love how Dave’s job is to save lives but he doesn’t care if someone is going to off themselves. D*ck. You sound like the kind of EMS worker who rapes passengers in his EMS truck.

    Yah, if someone is going to do this they should leave a note so they don’t take you with them. But the best thing for them to do would be to not off themselves at all.

  39. BTW, a family member committed suicide a few years ago. I imagine to do that they must’ve thought no one cared, but that couldn’t have been further for the truth. We’re still depressed over this and I just feel so guilty.

    If you’re depressed enough to kill yourself, you’re not in the right frame of mind to realize that there are a lot of people who really don’t want to see you go.

  40. @ Ron

    I think the economy is making a lot of people think about it these days. Our culture so values material things and upward mobility, and we have unemployment rates right now that most of us haven’t seen in our lifetime. We could probably prevent a lot of suicides by finding a way to deal with this.

  41. First, saying things like “permanent solution to a temp problem” pisses off the suicidal. You put all the problems in a little box and belittle our suffering. “Life sucks, stick around! Think about your family!” “Shame and Guilt”, the two biggest causes of suicide..because of YOU PEOPLE.

    Life is a prison for EVERYONE, some see the bars everyday up close and others crouch in a corner away talking about a guy in the sky with some almighty plan to eventually escape. They are blinded and call the guy closely at the bars trying to escape too soon “crazy”, “irrational” and yells :”come on man, don’t ruin it for the rest of us..think about us!!”

  42. Thank You Zorn Jones. I think I need to call my doctor again. I found this website by chance researching a way out of my own little Hell On Earth. My situation marital strife.
    I have struggled with depression in the past and have handled myself very poorly during those episodes of depression. From getting not one but two DUI’s. An attempt at suicide by cop. Two hospitalizations for overdosing. Well enough about me.
    I do want to live and see my children grow and have children of their own without the effects that this would have on them. Thanks again.

  43. I am suffering with depression since child hood. I tried to reach out to family and friends but no use. I committed suicide already 3 times with out luck then again told my self may be its not my hands and continued to live with pain as I had only had to deal with depression. Now my situation became worse. I got divorced no income and zero support of any kind from family and friends. People don’t even know how it feels like. I don’t know if there is hell or not. But I am ready to face anything than living. I don’t know why people
    judge other people with out knowing what they going through. I don’t think it’s coward act. At least I am not hurting other people (Theft/Illegal things)to live myself happy.

  44. Does anybody think this is painful?

    What precautions should I take to avoid injury to others if I were to do this in my car?

  45. Per above:

    Update2: An updated list of places to contact if you are contemplating suicide today. Please talk to someone.
    Call 911, 112, or your local emergency response number
    You can email me: azmanam {at} chemistry-blog {dot} com
    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (press 1 for Veterans)
    Trevor Lifeline (for lgbtq youth): 1-866-4-U-TREVOR
    For our UK friends: samaritans.org
    Dr. David Burns’ book Feeling Good

    • To azmanam
      I did contacted and had to be in psych facility for 2 weeks and had to pay 7000$ in bills with no improvement. I wont do that stupid thing ever calling for help.

  46. Obviously no one is going to call a freeking hotline or 911 if they are that low. People who put that in articles and comments are foolish. I am at the end of my rope now. Do you really think I want to talk to some idiot on the phone who doesn’t even know me? I will move on to another article with similar info.

  47. I never thought I would consider it but I am. I had a very happy life until the last 7 years. I tried everything to fix it. I lost my job in my field where it took me 10 years to be the best in the country, it was automated. THis left me on s. assiatance. I then had to live in strangers rooms. The govt tends to mistreat you as well…they dont care. YOu try to get couselling you get some 21 year old who cant wait until you stop talking, she could car less about you, its only all about her and her coffee break and who gets paid. I met awful people here but I could not leave as where I am from In be on the street although family is there. Now that is another issue, half love me the other half could give two shits and now some of their kids avoid me as well. But no one will tell me this, they just come up with excuses not to see or call me. I had one good friend here an older man who I lived with when I was homeless, he took me in for 2 yrs, he looked out for me and I helped him alot as well,he died suddenly of a heart attack last month and there is no will and family has left him in the morgue. A week before he died he told me he wanted me to have everything as his family is rotten and heartless. He was my only friend here. There are alot of nasty rude people in this city its a govt town I hate it. If you say hi to someone they think your an alien or something…everyone I met is not nice or if they are nice dont want to bother with you, there is no trust. Due to this in my apt complex I cannot even talk to others- its all different races but all u need is one complaint you could be evicted. They just kicked out a guy last week here for nothing, two women making stuff up. I dont have enough money to live. This man who died was about to start a buisness I would have had a FT great job that is gone. The place he worked the owner is greedy and wont bother hiring me he doesnt give a damn. Some people who knew my friend never even said sorry to me, no cards sent nothing I was shocked. I cant find any work for 3 yrs they wont hire someone my age. Im too old for school again. I dont have kids. The men I met are rotten to the core, they come off so nice at first. I had 7 dates since Nov everyone was a loser who was lying or hiding info or just an idiot or did drugs, or are married, or just want sex and waste my time, or disappear after the 2nd date after saying they really like me how pretty I am etc. Even on dating sites same crap,had a guy try to scam me there. I dont have enough to retire. I have zero support here. More family has cut me off. I love my mom but she is 85 she wont live much longer, shes getting weak and tired. Im a drain on my family for years they had to help me they are sick of it, from being in and out of work… I am too sad to keep living and pills wont change it, my situation is very bad. I need a job or acceptance of disability but its unknown if they will accept me for it Im waiting on that…and I want to move to a smaller town. More depressing mother’s day tomorrow…Im not a mother.

    • Mary,

      Thanks for reaching out. Someone is listening. I’m listening. Feel free to email me (azmanam -at- chemistry-blog -dotocm) if you need someone to talk to.

  48. These spoiled, ignorant “keep your chin up” Pollyanna’s sicken me.

  49. For the past year ive been trying to drink my self to death, then my kitty died of cancer and my grief subsided. I still think if people understood the doctrine of double effect as well as the illuminati mainly the people with political license, dying would be an ant farm and not a white wash for excessive abuse for the status quo. I have been treated with excessive force and brain washing, being a navy wash out. Just take a look at my brain slides you’d think i was a holocaust survivor.

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