Chemistry Blog

From ACS New Orleans

Hey there, from New Orleans! ACS 2008 kicked off today with the early morning registration rush that is required for every ACS meeting. This one, however, was awesomely bad, as the organizers, displaying true ig-nobel prize worthy genius, nearly caused an uprising from the mob of chemists waiting for their ID-cards.

So here’s what happened. Around 8 in the morning, chemists of all sorts spilled into the registration hall at the convention center in the French quarter of New Orleans. To register for the conference, each person had to first enter their information into the onsite computers, pay a fee, and then go collect the printed out ID cards. The first part of this procedure went fine, and it took only minutes for myself, Mitch, and Noel to pay the registration fee and get in line for the ID card. However, the wait for picking up the admission badge is where everything went haywire.

Instead of intelligently placing the printers next to the ID card readers so that new registrees could grab their papers and assemble their own ID’s, the organizers decided to have 3 printing stations where the ACS hosts would carefully complete the complicated task of folding the papers in half, inserting them into a plastic holder, and lacing an ACS lanyard through the tag.

One particularly loud lady, the “supervisor” - we were told so by other employees who refused to accept responsibility of the brewing crisis- especially endeared herself to the crowd. After waiting 20 minutes or more to reach the front of said printing line, the self-proclaimed “lady in red” was…well, let me paint the picture for you.

Imagine yourself, after waiting for what has felt like hours of standing in a much too long line, checking your watch every few minutes because your chance to hear about element 108 and the plans to make 120 is literally ticking away. Finally you begin to reach the front of the line: you can hear names being called and briefly think about how nice it would be to get your tag. But wait…something is wrong. You hear people’s names called, followed by groans, moans and subdued protests. Thats not right…you think to yourself. Then you hear the words that make you hope…no pray, that this little “lady in red” does not call your name.

“John Blahblah!”

“Yeah, here!”

“Sir, Back of the line please!”

“WHAT?!?!?!?!”

“Sir, Back Of The Line.”

And there it is. The bottle-neck in the registration process that eventually led to this:

was caused by the assumption that chemists can’t make their own nametags. Yes, the above picture is Mitch becoming an honorary ACS crowd manager as he hands out the plastic ID card holders to near-unruly chemists. Although, I probably didn’t help the situation by loudly telling people not to budge if told to move to the back of the line. What can I say…I am just a rebel.

So Kudos to the ACS event organizers. The first few hours of the first day of the conference was a complete hash, a prime example of how NOT to manage a huge national conference’s registration. For all those unfortunate chemists who missed the morning talks, or decided to forgo the idiotic ID to actually attend those talks, or were just generally upset by the morning’s administrative malfunctions, I hope you comment on this post. Or just comment if you find it funny. Or if you want to make fun of me. Whatever.

-Maz

Posted in ACS | 4 Comments »

C&EN Starts Bloging

C&EN have started their own science blog. In recent years it has been common place for C&EN to blog while at the ACS conference or on a special assignment. A link to the blog is here: http://cenblog.org/

Mitch

Posted in ACS, chemical blogosphere | 5 Comments »

From The Archives of Technical Support For Chemical Instrumentation-6

I HAVE A SIMPLE QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Caller:  Hi, this is Dr._ _ _ and I am calling from _ _ _ _ and I have a simple question.  I am looking in the XYLL column manual and I was wondering if you could tell me the maximum concentration of hydroxide eluent I can use with this column. 

OK…now let’s see…I am looking in the XYLL column manual…Page 2:  The XYLL Column is carb/bicarb selective….Can I tell her what concentration of hydroxide she can use????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WTF….Need I say more!!!! 

Tech:  Ma’am, the XYLL column is carb/bicarb selective and you will not get acceptable chromatography if you use hydroxide eluent.   

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hi, this is  _ _ _  calling from  _ _ _and I am calling for help with the software. I have a simple question.  I am trying to set up  Admin Rights and I need help installing the database.  I can’t find it on the network.

MY second favorite call….WTF do they think I can install their database.  They need to pick it and install/mount it.  I am not the ruler of their network.  How the HELL do I know where their secure database is located!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  GGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!! 

Tech:  Ma’am if you do not know where your database is located you will have to contact the IT person in your company.  I have no way of knowing where your secure database is located.  When you or your IT person has located it, call back and we can help you configure it. 

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hi, I am calling because I have a simple question.  My name is ….and I am the PhD, XXX for the Method Development Group for YYYZZZJJJ in …. And we are having a problem with our HPLC.

Well knock me over with a shot of curare…I mean all that and she needs my help with a SIMPLE QUESTION…OK then we’ll see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tech:  Ma’am. What is the problem you are having? 

Caller:  Well, we changed from reverse phase to normal phase and all my peaks are inverted.  We are using UV detection. 

Tech:  What happens when you inject your standards? 

Caller:  All the peaks are negative.  When I inject some mobile phase my peaks are inverted.  Do you have any suggestions? 

OK I have a SIMPLE QUESTION:  OMG…is she kidding!!!!!!!!!!  HTF does she think I can fix this over the phone….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Tech:  Ma’am, what is the composition of the mobile phase?  What column are you using?   

Caller:  I am not sure?  Do you know the UV absorbance wavelength for methanol? 

HJFC….WHAT????   OOOOOHHHHHH  that one is sooooooooooooooo good…she does a shot of mobile phase and all her peaks are inverted….in fact the entire method was INVERTED…Do I know what is wrong?  OMG…she has HUGE CONTAMINATION or she is FLOURESCING…….WTF….!!!!! LMAO  just switched from RP to NP…and everything is UPSIDE DOWN…Do I have any suggestions!!!!….YES…REPLACE THE INTERFACE…MS. Dr. HPLC METHOD DEVELOPMENT SPECIALIST!!!! OH LET ME NOT LEAVE OUT THIS VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION THAT Dr. METHOD DEVELOPMENT IN THE XYZFYTH METHOD DEVELOPMENT GROUP ASKED ME;  “Do you know what the UV absorbance wavelength of methanol is?”  NOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Do I have any suggestions she can follow….OH HELL NO I DO NOT…Please tell me exactly what is left for me to suggest?  I think she has done everything humanly possible to screw up that system!!!!! That HPLC System has been completely tortured…OK!!! YES I have a suggestion SOAK IT IN NITRIC ACID…CONCENTRATED NITRIC….Overnight…there you go all our problems SOLVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!Service Call!!!!!  Are you kidding me!!! OH and BTW:  If you try to dissolve your HPLC in nitric acid….THAT IS NOT COVERED UNDER WARRANTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hello…I am a Chemist with…and I need help with my calibration curve? 

Tech:  OK…what s the problem. 

Caller:  I made my standards and my R^2 is only .92 when I do a linear fit… 

Tech:  What is your range? 

Caller:  Huh? 

Tech:  The range of your standards…the lowest and the highest, what is it? 

Caller:  32 picomoles to 12000 picomoles…. 

OK then he is way out of the linear range.  WHAT IS THE DEAL.  There is a graph that has a line on it and there is this senseless impulse to apply a linear fit and force that fit thru the point (0,0)….does not matter if it is appropriate….just do it BECAUSE????????????  BECAUSE WHY??????? 

Caller:  And my signal is almost half what it was 2 years ago…so I need help with that too.. 

OMG..is he joking…better the signal is less….he would be in the cubic range… 

Tech:  What is the range of your samples? 

Caller:  50 to 500 picomoles. 

OK then why the hell are you going to 12000 picomoles….OMG this is unbelievable!!!!  What?  He wants to make sure he does not miss something??????? 

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hi…my name is….and I need help with my calibration curve… 

HHHMMMM WTF we have an epidemic here….!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Tech:  OK what seems to be the problem???? 

Caller:  Well I made all my standards…and I cannot find where my sample lies……. 

Tech:  How many points on the curve? 

Caller:  157 

ONL:Y 157….OMG  that is  not a curve…that is a pearl necklace….I mean…AAAAHHHHHHH   someone Please explain to me why this guy would do such a thing….  

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hi,  I am a chemist with….and I have a simple question.  I need help with my standard curve.  The software is not working right. 

OK said std curve…and software not working right.  She has no idea how to create a standard curve!!!!!!!  Software works fine interface is FT Hell!!!!! 

Tech:  Ma’am…what is wrong with the curve? 

Caller:  I have to use a linear fit and I cannot make the line fit. 

Tech:  Ma’am, what is the range on your standards? 

Caller:  Well, OK….I go from 0 to 10,000 ppm. 

OMG….WTF is she thinking…..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  0 to 10,000 ppm and she is forcing the function…Wait I bet I got this one nailed…there is more…I know there is even more…..!!!!!! 

Tech:  Ma’am are you using offset? 

Caller:  NO…. 

Tech: How many injections per standard? 

Caller: 1

OH HELP ME …I am going to be on this one for an hour….Who the hell I mean how the hell…..I mean OMG I cannot even think anymore…I cannot believe….GEEEEZZZZZEEEEEEE 

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hi…I am a Chemist with…and my calibration won’t work.  I know this is a simple question; but, the software will just not work. 

OH SURE IT WILL IF WE REPLACE THE INTERFACE…..nothing wrong with the curve…it is the connection between the chair and the panel….Software does what you tell it to do!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Tech:  So what is the problem sir? 

Caller:  My data will not work with a linear fit…but if I use the quartic fit…it looks just great…so can you explain this…because I will have to justify it in my report…. 

OH well…good luck with that….that is just the end….THE QUARTIC FIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!….he had to dig deep for that one…QUARTIC FIT…hmmmm the quantum effect of ions…This is just amazing stuff…In my whole life….I cannot even begin to understand what you have done….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Contender for the Nobel….!!!! Sorry Later…BYE…I am out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a Chemist…and I am going where all good Chemists go!!!!!!!!!!  As Far away from you as I can get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

E-mail: Dear ~M,

Hi my name is xxxx PhD, MD, PE…from xxxx and I was wondering if you could please take a look at my data.  You have helped me before and I just cannot figure out why my amount columns keep showing NA.I set up my sequence and it ran perfectly but all my amout columns say NA.

Dear PhD, MD, PE X,

(OMG look at that-all those credentials let me quit breating right now-aren’t you embarassed!!!!!)I have looked at your data (YES, at each and every bit of that 25 MB file you sent me!!!!!) and your amount columns read NA (Because you SDA with the huge signature!!!!! I know you are stupid -don;t you feel stupid!!!!!) you did not enter the amounts for your standards in the amount table in your calibration file of your method.

Please see the attached, adjusted file.Yes you DA….I did your work for you so go ahead and have a GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Do not forget to send me that part of your paycheck I just earned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

~M

E-mail:

Hi!!! ~M, 

I am sending you my data…because I do not know what I am doing wrong.  You have helped me before and I was wondering would you PLEASE look at it and tell me how to fix it?

Senior Scientist, PhD, MS,

Dear Senior Scientist, PhD, MS,

(…Ad Infinitum!!!!…Oh let me just drop dead right here and now!!!!)  I have looked at the data you sent me (30 GDFing MB compressed file…1 month of GDF data-WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!).  I can see you are analyzing anions over a linear rang. However in your calibration file you are treating your Cl as CUBIC. I also see you are forcing the function thru zero (I am really holding back here…).It is rather unusual to treat 4 of your anions as linear and one as cubic. (Beats the hell outa me!!!!-4 treated as linear and 1 as cubic). If I adjust all of your curves to linear with offset…you can see that all the amounts fall into line and your R^2 is now 99.9999%.Please accept this data as a gift…a gift to the human race…I now know I have a calling in this life….and do not ever send me crap like that again…I know where you work…and I will hunt you down and shut you down.  Consider it an act of mercy with respect to the rest of humanty!!!

LOVE,~M

E-mail:

Dear ~M,

Hi this is…..How have you been?  I am attaching some data so you can fix it for me.  I have worked and worked and cannot get it to fit a straight line.  Please, Please, Please help me!!!!!! And my response factor it is all wrong. My spectra look awful.  I really need some guidance.

Gratefully Yours,Dr. XXX, Phd, MS, BS

Dear Dr. XXX (My most frequent  MFI-LMAO-I have to put unknown letters next to my name when I prove to the world I am hindered)I have reviewed your data and I can see you are analyzing cations using a XXX 7 Cation Standard.  (OMG-the tailing…the overloading, the linear function forced thru zero, the range OMFG…1 ppb - 10,000 ppb and…words could not describe)!!!!The ammonium anion is in each and every chromatogram (They are F$#@ing Chromatograms NOT Spectra and GUIDANCE…you need to go back to school); however,  you do not account for it in the calibration curve.  You have amounts for it in your tables, you have it tagged for cubic fit, but you negate it in every chromatogram (WTF is he normalizing against the NH4+ peak???-and that makes no sense unless he is doing a relative response factor)I can see you are treating it EXPONENTIALLY and forcing it thru ZERO.  Your data is out of the linear range if you are using a std range from 1 ppb - 10,000 ppb (OMFG range is 1 ppb - 10,000 ppb and 25 points too-did he think he would miss a spot….JFC here we go again integrating the circumfrence of the earth!!!)OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LA LA LA LA LA Please see all the adjustments I have made to your data in the attached file.ADIOS,  BYE BYE…forget my name and do never send me crap like that again…I swear by every breath I have left you will never ever do this again-HA HA as if anyone could repeat this mess again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Love,

~M

OH YIPPEE More SS…My Lucky Day!!!!!!!! 

Dear ~M, Hi, this is…. from XXYL …..Lab.  You have helped me in the past.  Can you tell me how to make a 1,000,000 x’s dilution with the software.  I keep trying to enter it and it will not stick.  It keeps kicking the number out.Kind Regards,PhD, MS, BSOMFG…a 1,000,000 x’s dilution.  OK then Well….let me see now….and this thought popped into her head BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Dear Dr. SFDA,The allowed range for dilution is:  0.0001 … 999999.9999

Dear ~M,

Could you please convey my disappointment to the software developers.  This is a serious flaw/fault in the XX program.  I would really appreciate it if they would fix that in the next version.  They really need to fix that.  It makes the software substandard.  Please tell them to rectify that prior to the next release.

Kind Regards,

PhD, MS, BS, AS

OH YEAH….YOU BETCHYA…I sure will.  Just let me walk my sweet ass right over to their office right now…..OH cannot wait to see the looks on their faces….LA LA LA LA LA LA LA…10, 9, 8, 7, YEP the building just fell down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HA HA HA HA ……I really need to consider in investing in Etch-A-Sketch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I  HAVE A SIMPLE QUESTION!!!….HOW ON EARTH IS IT POSSIBLE…I AM TRYING TO FATHOM THE ODDS…..I MEAN THE PROBABILITY OF ALL THESE PEOPLE NOT KNOWING HOW TO SET UP A CALIBRATION CURVE….BLAMING EVERYTHING ON THE SOFTWARE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO USE THE HELP FILE…I MEAN WE DID NOT ADD THAT IN THERE BECAUSE IT TOOK UP SPACE…..IT HAS A FUNCTION….IF YOU CAN HIT THE PANIC BUTTON ON THAT PHONE…CAN’T YOU USE THE HELP FILE IN THE SOFTWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Estrogen analogues

The authors of this paper (Chem. Eur. J. 2008, early view) have synthesized a series of new estrogen analogues where the B and C ring of estrone (1) and 17β-estradiol (2) are replaced with a simple alkyne spacer. The steric bulk of the omitted rings is replaced by suitable substitution of the two remaining “A” and “D” rings (phenols 3 and 4).

An overlay of the 3D structures of estrone (1, yellow) and 3 (white, R = 2-Cl, R’ = Me) shows a considerable offset between the corresponding carbonyl groups (O - O distance of 1.67 Å). I also wonder about the rotational flexibility of the linker - the “text-book”-property of steroids is their rigidity, but the new analogues can rotate about the triple bond.

The biological properties of these new compounds have not yet been measured. I wonder if they will be comparable to estrogens. If this radical structural simplification still yields bioactive compounds, this will be a remarkable achievement. On the other hand, flexibility always has an entropic cost when the molecules bind to their target, so I don’t expect the activities to be too high. Also, the new class of compounds is probably less selective than the original estrogens. But this is all speculation as long as the biology hasn’t been done.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Pregos in lab (Unedited)

This is a sensitive issue, so I’ll tread lightly here (or as lightly as I can.) I’ve wondered to myself, as a member of the Cock And Nuts Club, if women who are with child should be “allowed” to work in the lab. By “with child” of course I mean Preggos and by “lab” I mean a real lab where there are chemicals like chloroform and benzene and RB flasks and shit. Biochemistry labs don’t count since they poop themselves when someone spills the “Ethidium bromide”, which is orders of magnitude more dangerous than their next killer - HEPES buffer. Since we organic chemists eat Ethidium bromide on our toast, the true understanding of glove-penetrating solvents with the ability to conduct organic compounds transdermally into your blood stream should be more apparent. In short, as I watch the current trend of celebrity pregnancy blend itself with graduate students, it’s becoming abundantly clear that there should be some sort of guidelines that establish when and if it is appropriate to tell a pregnant woman she can’t work in the lab any more.But I’m one of those sushi-eating, BMW driving, tree hugging, pro-choice libertarians who doesn’t particularly feel inclined to tell people what they should or shouldn’t do with things intractably connected to their uterus. It’s simply a concern for the liability for a school and for a student since, as often as Universities like to play the dual card of “You’re student/Staff - more so when it suits us best” they’d have a hard time running from the accusation that “I’m just a dumb student, no one told me I shouldn’t play in the lab while preggers.” While logically, no one should be able to get away with this defense. It’s the proverbial killing of your parents and asking for leniency because you’re an orphan - but the judicial system in this country doesn’t work that way. When it comes to placing fault, the “victim” is generally treated like… well… a victim.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying it’s a bad decision to work in the lab while a woman is pregnant. My liability isn’t at stake here. If a woman chooses to do so, however, she carries the burden of risk with her, however high that may be. The fact that there is no consensus, let alone regulation, isn’t totally surprising, but the fact that there is no policy of forcing a bunch of forms and signatures is a bit.

Posted in ethics | 10 Comments »

Social Bookmarking for Scientists: HotCites

HotCites - It’s What’s Hot in the Literature

A recent website I’ve been developing exploits the collective intelligence of scientists to determine what articles in the literature are attracting the attention of scientists/technicians and the like. The website is HotCites (www.hotcites.com). It parses through new submissions to Nature’s Connotea database and spits out what users (scientists) consider important enough to add to their libraries. I could talk forever about how great Connotea is, the most important selling points for me are the following: Import/Export your database to endnote in less than a minute, see who else has bookmarked an interesting paper, and then view their literature databases, search for papers that others have tagged (ie aromatic, metabolomic), and access to your literature database from any internet connection.

Keeping a database of people’s libraries is all well and good, but there is untapped information that can be extracted. Both CiteULike and Connotea seem to have the databasing side down, but an engaging user environment seems lacking from my tedious perusing. Creating an expanding a community of users is always the most time mitigating part of any successful Web 2.0 website.

So lets move forward and make a more cheerful website, where we’ve already distilled some information from a database and present it back to the end users. A thumb of the front page of HotCites is shown below:

The website immediately has distilled what Connotea users have bookmarked the most frequently for the past week. You can also click to see what the top bookmarked papers are for the day. The database currently only goes back 17 days or so, but as time pases the database will enlarge, and I’ll be making options to go further back. Be mindful that the url to see the past “2 weeks” is just http://www.hotcites.com/index.php?&days=14 , so you can edit the number of days to go back as far as you like. But as I mentioned, the database only goes back 17 days or so.

Getting HotCites fully integrated with Connotea will be mission #1. Hopefully the appealing(in my eyes) nature of the website design we’ll encourage more scientists to use Connotea. An advantage of HotCites is it’ll only show Connotea bookmarks that have resolved DOIs, in order to ensure only literature gets posted. But, editorials also have DOIs, and they will show up too. Expansion to incorporate CiteULike may be possible down the road, but I’m unsure how liberal they are with their database. I hope you like the website, now go sign up for Connotea!

Mitch

Posted in Nature, chem 2.0 | 6 Comments »

Mitch @ NatureJobs

Nature Jobs did a nice piece on Social Networking for scientists recently, I even get two nice mentions in it. The article is titled “The new networking nexus” and can be found here:

http://dx.doi.org/10.1038/nj7181-1024a

Mitch

Posted in Nature, chem 2.0 | 2 Comments »

From The Archives of Technical Support For Chemical Instrumentation-5

Customer Types 

RING,RING,RING the telephone sounds, and the hair on the back of your neck begins to rise. You know as soon as you pick up that phone you will be talking with someone who has no clue about what they are doing .  They will expect you to be their personal assistant. When you have the title Technical Support Specialist you have to follow by some very strict rules. We have the moral obligation to deliver the best technical support that is in our ability to give….which means tell them whatever it takes to get them off the phone so you can continue with your game of POKEMON. 

 SO MANY LEVELS OF FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is all the same customer. 1) Bad connection or a habit of mashing face against the receiver, causing variable stretches of muffled conversation. 2)Non-native English speaker with heavy foreign accent. 3)  Native English speaker who cannot speak English; and, uses extremely technical terms such as the thingy with the spikey, pointy end….  4)High enough on totem pole to feel that he knows things. 5) Completely clueless about chemical instrumentation. He didn’t know how to “click and drag”. It took ten minutes to explain that to him, in small words, many different ways. 6) Calls the queue and specifically asks for me even though I was hoping to pawn him off elsewhere. 7) Does not realize that electronic items need power cords plugged in. I guess they think the cords are just optional decoration. 8)  I’m too busy!!! This is the caller that has a problem and no time to let you fix it. Usually they just want to report the issue and then hang up. Eventually the problem will get bad enough they’ll either have to fix it…or their system will become FUBAR and have to be replaced.   

Last call of the week before the trip to Pittcon: 

Caller:  Hi my name is and I am the LEAD CHEMIST in the QC Lab for….

 OH…yes…let me be sure to write all those credentials down!!!!!  I have to get ready for EXTRA….HINDERED……. 

Tech:  How can I help you?

Caller:  Well, we were sent some instructions for removing air from the cell and they say to inject IPA…through the cell inlet to waste.

 OH HELL…that is my document…I sent that….I created it-I even avoided the use of multi-syllabic words…..never talked to this one before……HHHHHMMMMMM

Tech:  Yes ma’am.  You need to put a lure lock fitting on the cell inlet line and make sure the cell outlet is plumbed to waste and inject approximately 3 mL of IPA through the cell to waste. Then follow that up with a 3 mL injection of DG/DI water.

Caller:  What is IPA?

 IS she joking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!….Lead Chemist…QC LAB….PhD, MS,  BITE ME….!!!!  On second thought I do not want to catch what you have!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Tech:  Isopropyl alcohol.  IPA is isopropyl alcohol.

Caller:  And is it purple…..?

 OK PURPLE….LMAO…LOL LOL….I was just asked by a QC Chemist….QC Lead Chemist…if IPA is PURPLE!!!!!!!…Well, sure ma’am, yes that is for the IC system Barney uses.  It is a special LOT-the PURPLE IPA LOT#PPP used by Barney…And I would feel so much more at ease if I knew Barney was operating that system!!!!!!!!!!!I have an FTS-IC sitting next to me…and as she hears me say…. Purple…she sees the look on my face and bursts into the most uncontrollable laughter….her chair in 100% recline mode….

Tech:  PURPLE?  Ma’am, IPA is a colorless, clear, translucent liquid.

 OK FTS-IC is now rolling on the floor LHFAO…saying “hang up the phone…hurry up and hang up the phone…LOL LOL LOL LOL…” And so we now have a new solvent known as IsoPURPLE Alcohol.  That sure has made it around the company!!!!!! 

Next:

Caller:  Hi my name is… and I need to find out about parts for my XYZ……

Tech:  Ok, sir, what do you need to know?

Caller:  I need to get some tubing.

Tech: For which line?

Caller:  Well it is 4-mm id.

 I realize this is too much to hope for.  But, I have about 8 different types of 4-mm id tubing….want to limit the list for me.  OF course he doesn’t.  This call is designed to give you your daily afternoon headache….. 

Tech:  And what is it connected to?

Caller:  The gas.

Tech:  Is it air?  Nitrogen?  Both?

Caller:  It is air but I want it for nitrogen too.

Tech:  Sir, is the tubing blue?

Caller:  YES!!!!!

Tech:  Ok PN abcxyz

Caller:  I have another question?

 Imagine that…..OK lets see …Oh goody another question…. 

Caller:  I need a connector for the  XYZ.

Tech:  Ok, sir a connector for what?

Caller: For inside my system.

 OH NFS…inside the system….I thought it was a wall decoration….OK I’ll bite.. 

Tech:  Where exactly does this connector go…inside the XYZ?

Caller:  It is metal and goes to the solvent bottle.

 HS…WTH is he talking about…………..There are no metal connectors that go to the solvent bottles….WTF is he talking about!!!!! 

Tech:  Can you describe it to me.

Caller:  It is metal…a metal fitting and it is on the solvent bottles. It brings the wind into my system.

 OH HELL NO…WTF …brings the WIND into his system…..So which kind of wind….is it a Northern…or is more like El NINO????? OK WTF is he talking about.  I have seen 1000 XYZs and not  one has a metal fitting on the solvent bottles….OK this poor man so neds help in a major way…!!!!!

Tech:  Sir, I need to know what the connector joins…..???

Caller:  It joins the wind to the solvent bottle.

OMFG….I am standing in front of the system…I can see every connector…I clearly do not see one that brings the WIND into his system….

Tech:  Sir, please give me your contact information.  I will have to contact product management regarding your request.  As soon as I have an answer I will call you back.

Caller:  OK!!!!

 Less than 5 min later CO has him on the phone…head in his hands….cursing at me….LMAO…well, PM sure did get a kick out of that one!!!!  

Next: 

Caller:  I have a big peak and a small peak 

Ma’am now all you need is a medium sized peak  We got the Papa peak, and the Baby peak…now all we need is the Mama peak….OH NO this cannot not be for real…. 

Caller:  I have a big peak and a smaller peak and it keeps picking the big one and I do not know why?? 

Caller:  You have to help me?  I have no idea what is going on? 

OK got that 3 sentences ago….. and you want me to DO WHAT EXACTLY?  

Tech:  Ma’am, what do you need help with? 

Like tell me something anything….what you are analyzing, what system do you use, what columns do you have, I don’t know I don’t know, I don’t know IS NOT A PROACTIVE RESPONSE!!!!!!!!!!! 

Caller:  I need you to tell me why it just keeps picking that big peak.

OMG….help me out here… 

Tech:  Can you provide me with a few more details? 

Caller:  The software just keeps picking the BIG PEAK.

GGEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  where is that bottle of FUCKITOL  Oh on the HUMOR FORUM….let me go get me some….NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Tech:  Ma’am send me your data…in a backup file. 

OH OK… She will never figure it out… 

Caller:  I have another question….. 

OH OK Ask me that too…I am sure I can …NO I CANNOT…. Waiting with bated breath!!!!!!

Caller:  My engineers have asked me if I can analyze mono….ethyl amine….on this column? 

Tech:  And what column do you have? 

Caller:  I don’t remember…can’t you look it up? 

YOU MUST BE KIDDING!!!!!….What you think I have column files for every caller at my desk……..let me think  real fast…I got it…AHHHH she thinks we have LoJack for columns…..and what makes her think we would want it back after she used it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What would be the point-just try and fathom the voids in the resin….. 

Tech:  Ma’am, you need to use a XX-ADCB to analyze that material. 

Caller:  OH…that will just ruin the day of those engineers….they wanted to use this column….. 

Well, wait….how do you know that….We still do not know exactly what column that is…you could not give me the model….what am I missing here…DING DING DING… YES, SO WHAT I AM HAPPY NOW… WOULD ONE OF THOSE ENGINEERS PLEASE FIGURE A WAY TO REMOVE YOU FROM THAT PHONE…. 

NEXT:

Caller:  Hi, I am the Lead Chemist for…..and I am calling for help with a software problem.

LA LA LA …es..LA LA LA…and you are calling me because????? You can no longer think….and you need someone to think for you!!!!!!!!!!

Tech:  What problem are you having?

Caller:  The software is telling me I have more in my sample that is diluted 1000 times than in my sample I dilute 10,000 times.

 OHFJC…he is diluting by a factor of 10,000….and why is the boy genius doing that.  I have seen this a million times…blame the software which just tells you what you ask it.  I know it is the settings in the method file.  Have to see it…  

Tech:  Sir, I really need to see the data. Can you send me a backup file with your data.  Please be sure to click on all linked objects…so I can see the entire audit trail.

Caller:  OK.

 OMG…there it is big as day…has a calibration curve with signals all greater than 1 uS.  All his diluted samples are giving signals less than 1 uS.  He is forcing a linear fit through zero.  The quadratic with offset and no forcing function best fits that data.  So just let me redo all his data analysis…send it back….and tell him …… HE IS OVER-DILUTING!!!!!!!!!!!…..WAY OUT OF THE LINEAR RANGE…and NOT ONE OF THOSE DILUTIONS FALLS ON HIS CALIBRATION CURVE………..HJFC…..How the hell do they get these jobs!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone needs to explain to me how you do a cal curve and you do not notice your lowest response factor!!!!!  So I send him his data, the modified data, with a full explanation as to why my data treatment is valid and his is not.  And once again I have saved a small corner of the universe!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

OH sure it is ALWAYS the Software…The software is not reading the data correctly!!!!!  LA LA LA LA LA LA LA…The software is at your mercy…it reads what you tell it to read!!!!!  I would love to leave my computer someday…and maybe with any luck….LOL the VOIP system will answer the phone….ALL BY ITSELF….!!!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

10 Things Young Graduate Students Need to Know

I noticed this little editorial seemed to be getting a lot of bookmarks at connotea, Ten Simple Rules for Graduate Students. It has some apt advice. Although most senior grad students would of learned those lessons the hard way, I would still recommend reading it. It also has links to other relevant papers like: Ten simple rules for getting published, Ten simple rules for getting grants, Ten simple rules for reviewers, Ten simple rules for a successful collaboration.

On the note of connotea, you can view the latest 25 bookmarked papers on connotea by clicking here: Latest Connotea Entries The php script will evolve into its own self-sustaining website with its own domain name and all that fluff, so don’t get too use to that url. The script also spits out how many people have bookmarked a paper in the recent 25 list. The eventual goal is to see which papers are ‘hot’ for the day, the week, or month based on connotea users.

Mitch

Posted in Nature, chem 2.0 | No Comments »

Strained Acetylenes for Click-Chemistry

This ACIE article caught my attention. Here, a “click-chemistry” based approach is used for in vivo labeling of glycoproteins. The strained acetylene 1 is linked to biotin to give 2. Cells that have been cultured in a way as to introduce N-azidoacetylsialic acid into glycoproteins were exposed to acetylene 2, then stained with avidin-FTIC (this is a fluorescein-labeled protein with a very high affinity for biotin). As a result, the glycoproteins at the cell surface fluoresce.

What happens chemically is a [3+2]-cycloaddition of the azido-substituted sialic acid (Sia) to the acetylene to give 3. The special thing here is the absence of copper(I), which would be cytotoxic and is normally required as a cycloaddition catalyst. Instead, the addition runs without any metals because of the strain of the eight-membered ring.

This also reminds me of Sharpless’ work for the fragment-screening of HIV-1 protease inhibitors (e.g. this ACIE article). He also used the [3+2]-cycloaddition with inhibitor fragments containing azido and acetylene groups. The fragments would effectively add in situ, i.e. inside the binding site, to form strong inhibitors. Here, the enzyme itself acts as a catalyst or template by arranging the most suitable fragments in a favourable orientation.

Posted in science news | 2 Comments »