Chemistry Blog

Why does it matter? (Women in Undergraduate Chemistry)

Background: I wrote this post with intention to publish on my personal blog. When I was done, I found it pretty relevant to the atmosphere of the Chemistry Blog. Also, I thought it would be unfortunate to leave this topic unattended.

As the end of the semester approaches, I find that there is a direct correlation between the closeness to finals and the deterioration of my physical appearance. Although I consider myself lucky for being pretty decent looking, I unfortunately repay this gift by livin’ it up like a real chemist-in-training.

My GRE is in two days. I’ve been hiding out in my cave and studying all day. I need a shower. My hair is oily and tangly. My glasses are dirty and I haven’t changed out of these clothes since Friday. Last night, I was intrigued by this train wreck in my bathroom mirror when I realized something that I should have brought up long ago: it wasn’t very long after I started college when I realize looking a little sloppy actually gives me an edge in school.

My mother always nags at me for wearing the same darn thing everyday: hooded sweater, t-shirt, acid-burned jeans and flip flops (sneakers if attempting synthetic methods). I wasn’t like this in high school. I was put-together, moderately sociable, generally happy, and was presented with several prom date candidates as situation arose. Those days are long gone now. Now I look more like an emo little boy getting lost in a fancy college.

My first day in freshman chemistry lab wasn’t what I imagined it to be. It gave me some sad preview on breaking into this community as a female student: the condescending way my male classmates talked to me, the way they hogged all the work in a collaborative procedure because “you don’t know what you’re doing,” the way they bossed me around for the trivial chores… Even my (male) graduate instructors treats me differently.

Sometime I wondered if there was anything I could do, anyone I could talk to. But no. Instead, I put my long hair in a ponytail and put on my oversized t-shirt. Somehow when you look like one of the guys, everything is OK.

I wondered if any other girl in class felt the same way.

The situation did get a bit better as I move up the food chain. I started to know quite a few graduate students and departmental staff. I even began to mentor my own little group of 1st/2nd-year minions. But even now, walking into my final year as an undergraduate, I get odd stares if I run errands around the lab facility with a fitted shirt and my long hair flowing on a sunny afternoon.

Hello, am I the only girl in this whole freaken building?

The answer is obviously no. But the few female staff that manage to get by without getting funny looks all strangely managed to morph themselves into the stereotype of a successful female scientist: unrefined, quiet, and invisible.

Now don’t even get me started on the number of times I get hit on by my graduate instructors during class and the many “hey, my face is UP HERE” moments during academic discussions. Do you know that you are whistling at a girl who is too young for you to buy a drink for? It’s so not fair. I work as hard as you are, I do just as well in everything that you do, why can’t you show some respect?

So please, stop acting like a sleazy pig. Because of the things you say and do, I feel obligated to look frumpy and completely covered up. I feel self-conscious for looking and acting feminine. I feel embarrassed to participate in an academic discussion or show any signs of comparable intelligence. I even feel a little inadequate on performing tasks that I am perfectly capable of doing. It’s the type of workplace discrimination that nobody would ever acknowledge or address.

Also, one day, I would like my dignity back. I’m just a 20-year-old who’s trying to make something out of herself.

Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments »

Molecular Strain: Make me, I dare you

Roald Hoffmann and Henning Hopf have a great new paper out in Angewandte titled Learning from Molecules in Distress. The paper is a romp through the field of “unhappy” hydrocarbon chemistry. It starts with a rationalization of the field of highly strained molecules, but quickly goes to the psychology of sadomasochism and vexing contemporary philosophical dilemmas as the Trolley problem and the Swampman.

On an aside, the Swampman thought experiment is thus,
“Suppose lightning strikes a dead tree in a swamp; I am standing nearby.My body is reduced to its elements, while entirely by coincidence (and out of different molecules) the tree is turned into my physical replica. My replica, The Swampman, moves exactly as I did; according to its nature it departs the swamp, encounters and seems to recognize my friends. It moves into my house and seems to write articles on radical interpretation. No one can tell the difference.”
As many of the elements in your brain get replaced within a month or so from the food you eat, this really shouldn’t be such a dire philosophical dilemma, than a common curiosity of everyday life. But I understand lightning is more theatrically appealing than a sandwich.

This is all within the context of explaining the glamorous life of the investigative synthetic experimentalist. Mission accomplished, if that was an intended goal. The paper also does discuss chemistry, and special attention was given to cyclic ozone 1, dicarbon dioxide 2, hexaazabenzene 3, and hexaprismane 4.

The masochistic chemist has 2 problems with the synthesis of these types of molecules. The first is near and dear to my heart, stability. Although, these molecules lie in a potential minimum and thus are thermodynamically “stable”, they can be quite reactive with itself or other molecules within the atmosphere or the medium it finds itself in. Plus, even thermodynamic stability have qualifiers, the size of the potential well may be so shallow to never see these peculiars at room temperature, which is likely the case for hexaazabenzene.

The second problem for molecules in distress is the inability of a clear synthetic strategy to the target; these molecules are unknown for a reason. Thus, the ever enterprising physical organic chemist needs to utilize chemistry outside a pure organic chemistry approach and may have to chase these molecules down within the complexation with metals, or in low temperature inert matrixes, or even perhaps atom by atom in an STM. In any case this paper is a fun read and should definitely be shared.

Mitch

Note 1: The Hoffmann & Hopf paper: Learning from Molecules in Distress
Note 2: Paper originally covered by CBC: kinky!
Note 3: RajaLab Weblog has covered some interesting sulfur helicene chemistry: Carbon-Sulfur [11]Helicenes: Syntheses, Structures and Properties
Note 4: Also covered by selenized: the value of making things

Posted in synthetic chemistry | 2 Comments »

Irradiation to enhance food safety

Does anyone remember the E. Coli breakout back in 2006? I do. There has never been a quicker way to convince a 19-year-old to eat vegetables until you take lettuce out of their sandwiches for a couple of months.

According to the LA Times report[1], these greens are washed in potent chlorine bath, often up to three times, before they are bagged and shipped to the retailer. This standard procedure has a reported 90% effectiveness in killing the microorganisms that may cause harmful effects to the human body.

I don’t know about you, but I would rather not take that 10% chance to get sick. In the single breakout of E. Coli due to cross contamination with the cattle back in 2006, 200 people became ill and three lost their lives. That’s the 10% chance that nobody should have to take.

This past month at the ACS National Meeting in New Orleans, researchers from the USDA presented their findings and results of radiation treatment of fresh produces. Irradiation of high energy beams of photons or electrons, said the scientist, can disrupt the DNA of these pathogens. While the chlorine rinse offers a 90% effectiveness in killing bacterias on the surface of the leaves, it is not able to penetrate beneath the surface. Irradiation method has a reported >99.9% effectiveness in wiping out pathogens such as E. coli, salmonella and listeria, and the high energy beams allows penetrating power that works inside and outside the leaves.

Some members of the scientific community are calling irradiation one of the “few intervention steps that indeed can penetrate the leaf surface and kill microorganisms.”

Irradiation for enhancement of food safety is permitted for some hamburger meat, poultry and spices, but not for fruits and vegetables. However, there has not been any health problems associated with eating irradiated food. So why is FDA steering away from adopting an improved method that could potentially save lives?

Consumer experts and food safety researchers offer some of their speculations:

1. Irradiation may damage the apparence of the product, which may not be as appealing to the customers
2. Nobody would buy lettuce from a bag with a radiation sticker
3. The treatment could shorten shelf lives of the products
4. Technically, irradiated produces cannot be certified organic

Though reasonable, it is hard to believe that the above mentioned points would stop either FDA or independent research institutes from further investigating in a method that could possibly be so much more potent in eradicating pathogens than the existing practice. Perhaps these novel ideas would not suffer as much if we could deliver more transparent and correct ideas regarding the applications of radiation.

Using innovative ideas to improve the quality of our everyday lives, isn’t that what science is all about?

Noel

[1] USDA scientists say irradiation could be key to food safety

P.S. True to scientific spirit and for the benefit of the minorities out there, I will summarize and translate my discussion in lolcat. I can has radeashuns: on ur vegitablez, keelin ur baktiriaz.

Edit: Originally mentioned by Bethany Halford and Lisa Jarvis in Chemistry Newsbytes.

Posted in nuclear chemistry, science news | 9 Comments »

“Danishefsky 2-component reaction”

This JACS communication by Danishefsky’s group is inspired by the well-known Passerini 3-component (isonitrile + aldehyde + acid) and Ugi 4-component (isonitrile + aldehyde + amine + acid) reactions. They ask the question if isonitriles 1 react with carboxylic acids 2. At room temperature, they do not, but under microwave irradiation they furnish N-formyl amides 3 in good yields. The authors go on to propose the mechanism shown, which could probably be further supported by isotope labeling.

They wanted to apply this new kind of reaction to the synthesis of asparagine-linked glycopeptides. Therefore glycosylisonitrile 4 was reacted with aspartate 5. Instead of the expected product, ester 6 was formed. In the paper, the formation of a “β-GlcNAc donor” by participation of the NAc group is assumed. Its structure is not specified, but I suppose it could be something like 7.

To get around this problem, non-participating neighboring groups like OBn and N₃ were used (8). Now, reaction under the same conditions furnished the expected glycosyl amino acids 9. Even better, the reaction was anomerically specific; that is, β-isonitrile 8 gave exclusively the β-linked product 9, while α-isonitrile 10 yielded only 11.

The formyl group could also be converted into methyl or completely removed, which sets the stage for building up a peptide chain. What is really striking about this new type of reaction is its simplicity. To quote the paper: “[The results described herein]… might well have been discovered a century ago.” Why has nobody ever tried this before? Is it because of the bad smell of isonitriles?

Posted in synthetic chemistry | 2 Comments »

Suicides in Chemistry

This past week we lost a 1st year chemistry graduate student to suicide at UC Berkeley. I attempted to do some googleing to see what kind of suicide rate chemistry students have, but there seems to be no recent numbers or studies on the matter. Which is understandable, because which institution or field would eagerly make this information available. I was personally unfamiliar with the student or his personal demons that lead him to choose his tragic path, but one always has to wonder how much influence his PI or group dynamics play a role in these decisions, whether it is fair to do so or not.

I usually advice entering graduate students that the 1st year is the hardest, but honestly I would say it only gets harder. As graduate years go by, you simply become accustomed to long hours and higher stress. My advice to any young undergraduates is to build a solid support network when you enter graduate school. You will need it…

Edit 1: Press of the suicide: Chemistry Student Found Dead In Apparent Suicide
Edit 2: Good articles on the old suicide in the Corey group

• NYT: Lethal Chemistry at Harvard
• C&EN: Examining the underpinnings of suicide
• C&EN: Smoothing the Passage

Mitch

Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments »

Mitch on TV

Tune in to cheer on for our beloved blogger, Mitch, for his television debut this weekend. He will be featured on American Latino TV as an outstanding member of the cultural community. In this interview, he will be talking about how he chose the path as a nuclear chemist, and his aspiration to educate today’s youth on chemistry using the internet.

A complete listing of available channel can be found on this page:

http://aimtvgroup.com/altv/wheretowatch/

Posted in science news | 7 Comments »

Social Networking ACS Presentations

Several people have requested the powerpoint presentations of Maz&Noel’s talk and my talk as well. So, for their convenience and yours if you weren’t able to attend, here are the talks we delivered in the chemical education symposium titled Using Social Networking Tools to Teach Chemistry:

• Development of chemical forums, blogs, wikis, RSS feeds, crowdsourcing, and social bookmarking websites for chemistry.
• Incorporating social networking tools to facilitate participation and discussion in nuclear chemistry.

The session was surprisingly well attended and even got a mention by Lisa Jarvis in the new C&EN blog here: Chemistry and the Interweb. I also got to meet the face behind the Noel O’Blog and a few others.

Mitch

Posted in ACS, chem 2.0, chemical blogosphere | 2 Comments »

From ACS New Orleans

Hey there, from New Orleans! ACS 2008 kicked off today with the early morning registration rush that is required for every ACS meeting. This one, however, was awesomely bad, as the organizers, displaying true ig-nobel prize worthy genius, nearly caused an uprising from the mob of chemists waiting for their ID-cards.

So here’s what happened. Around 8 in the morning, chemists of all sorts spilled into the registration hall at the convention center in the French quarter of New Orleans. To register for the conference, each person had to first enter their information into the onsite computers, pay a fee, and then go collect the printed out ID cards. The first part of this procedure went fine, and it took only minutes for myself, Mitch, and Noel to pay the registration fee and get in line for the ID card. However, the wait for picking up the admission badge is where everything went haywire.

Instead of intelligently placing the printers next to the ID card readers so that new registrees could grab their papers and assemble their own ID’s, the organizers decided to have 3 printing stations where the ACS hosts would carefully complete the complicated task of folding the papers in half, inserting them into a plastic holder, and lacing an ACS lanyard through the tag.

One particularly loud lady, the “supervisor” - we were told so by other employees who refused to accept responsibility of the brewing crisis- especially endeared herself to the crowd. After waiting 20 minutes or more to reach the front of said printing line, the self-proclaimed “lady in red” was…well, let me paint the picture for you.

Imagine yourself, after waiting for what has felt like hours of standing in a much too long line, checking your watch every few minutes because your chance to hear about element 108 and the plans to make 120 is literally ticking away. Finally you begin to reach the front of the line: you can hear names being called and briefly think about how nice it would be to get your tag. But wait…something is wrong. You hear people’s names called, followed by groans, moans and subdued protests. Thats not right…you think to yourself. Then you hear the words that make you hope…no pray, that this little “lady in red” does not call your name.

“John Blahblah!”

“Yeah, here!”

“Sir, Back of the line please!”

“WHAT?!?!?!?!”

“Sir, Back Of The Line.”

And there it is. The bottle-neck in the registration process that eventually led to this:

was caused by the assumption that chemists can’t make their own nametags. Yes, the above picture is Mitch becoming an honorary ACS crowd manager as he hands out the plastic ID card holders to near-unruly chemists. Although, I probably didn’t help the situation by loudly telling people not to budge if told to move to the back of the line. What can I say…I am just a rebel.

So Kudos to the ACS event organizers. The first few hours of the first day of the conference was a complete hash, a prime example of how NOT to manage a huge national conference’s registration. For all those unfortunate chemists who missed the morning talks, or decided to forgo the idiotic ID to actually attend those talks, or were just generally upset by the morning’s administrative malfunctions, I hope you comment on this post. Or just comment if you find it funny. Or if you want to make fun of me. Whatever.

-Maz

Posted in ACS | 4 Comments »

C&EN Starts Bloging

C&EN have started their own science blog. In recent years it has been common place for C&EN to blog while at the ACS conference or on a special assignment. A link to the blog is here: http://cenblog.org/

Mitch

Posted in ACS, chemical blogosphere | 5 Comments »

From The Archives of Technical Support For Chemical Instrumentation-6

I HAVE A SIMPLE QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Caller:  Hi, this is Dr._ _ _ and I am calling from _ _ _ _ and I have a simple question.  I am looking in the XYLL column manual and I was wondering if you could tell me the maximum concentration of hydroxide eluent I can use with this column. 

OK…now let’s see…I am looking in the XYLL column manual…Page 2:  The XYLL Column is carb/bicarb selective….Can I tell her what concentration of hydroxide she can use????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WTF….Need I say more!!!! 

Tech:  Ma’am, the XYLL column is carb/bicarb selective and you will not get acceptable chromatography if you use hydroxide eluent.   

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hi, this is  _ _ _  calling from  _ _ _and I am calling for help with the software. I have a simple question.  I am trying to set up  Admin Rights and I need help installing the database.  I can’t find it on the network.

MY second favorite call….WTF do they think I can install their database.  They need to pick it and install/mount it.  I am not the ruler of their network.  How the HELL do I know where their secure database is located!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  GGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!! 

Tech:  Ma’am if you do not know where your database is located you will have to contact the IT person in your company.  I have no way of knowing where your secure database is located.  When you or your IT person has located it, call back and we can help you configure it. 

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hi, I am calling because I have a simple question.  My name is ….and I am the PhD, XXX for the Method Development Group for YYYZZZJJJ in …. And we are having a problem with our HPLC.

Well knock me over with a shot of curare…I mean all that and she needs my help with a SIMPLE QUESTION…OK then we’ll see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tech:  Ma’am. What is the problem you are having? 

Caller:  Well, we changed from reverse phase to normal phase and all my peaks are inverted.  We are using UV detection. 

Tech:  What happens when you inject your standards? 

Caller:  All the peaks are negative.  When I inject some mobile phase my peaks are inverted.  Do you have any suggestions? 

OK I have a SIMPLE QUESTION:  OMG…is she kidding!!!!!!!!!!  HTF does she think I can fix this over the phone….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Tech:  Ma’am, what is the composition of the mobile phase?  What column are you using?   

Caller:  I am not sure?  Do you know the UV absorbance wavelength for methanol? 

HJFC….WHAT????   OOOOOHHHHHH  that one is sooooooooooooooo good…she does a shot of mobile phase and all her peaks are inverted….in fact the entire method was INVERTED…Do I know what is wrong?  OMG…she has HUGE CONTAMINATION or she is FLOURESCING…….WTF….!!!!! LMAO  just switched from RP to NP…and everything is UPSIDE DOWN…Do I have any suggestions!!!!….YES…REPLACE THE INTERFACE…MS. Dr. HPLC METHOD DEVELOPMENT SPECIALIST!!!! OH LET ME NOT LEAVE OUT THIS VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION THAT Dr. METHOD DEVELOPMENT IN THE XYZFYTH METHOD DEVELOPMENT GROUP ASKED ME;  “Do you know what the UV absorbance wavelength of methanol is?”  NOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Do I have any suggestions she can follow….OH HELL NO I DO NOT…Please tell me exactly what is left for me to suggest?  I think she has done everything humanly possible to screw up that system!!!!! That HPLC System has been completely tortured…OK!!! YES I have a suggestion SOAK IT IN NITRIC ACID…CONCENTRATED NITRIC….Overnight…there you go all our problems SOLVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!Service Call!!!!!  Are you kidding me!!! OH and BTW:  If you try to dissolve your HPLC in nitric acid….THAT IS NOT COVERED UNDER WARRANTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hello…I am a Chemist with…and I need help with my calibration curve? 

Tech:  OK…what s the problem. 

Caller:  I made my standards and my R^2 is only .92 when I do a linear fit… 

Tech:  What is your range? 

Caller:  Huh? 

Tech:  The range of your standards…the lowest and the highest, what is it? 

Caller:  32 picomoles to 12000 picomoles…. 

OK then he is way out of the linear range.  WHAT IS THE DEAL.  There is a graph that has a line on it and there is this senseless impulse to apply a linear fit and force that fit thru the point (0,0)….does not matter if it is appropriate….just do it BECAUSE????????????  BECAUSE WHY??????? 

Caller:  And my signal is almost half what it was 2 years ago…so I need help with that too.. 

OMG..is he joking…better the signal is less….he would be in the cubic range… 

Tech:  What is the range of your samples? 

Caller:  50 to 500 picomoles. 

OK then why the hell are you going to 12000 picomoles….OMG this is unbelievable!!!!  What?  He wants to make sure he does not miss something??????? 

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hi…my name is….and I need help with my calibration curve… 

HHHMMMM WTF we have an epidemic here….!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Tech:  OK what seems to be the problem???? 

Caller:  Well I made all my standards…and I cannot find where my sample lies……. 

Tech:  How many points on the curve? 

Caller:  157 

ONL:Y 157….OMG  that is  not a curve…that is a pearl necklace….I mean…AAAAHHHHHHH   someone Please explain to me why this guy would do such a thing….  

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hi,  I am a chemist with….and I have a simple question.  I need help with my standard curve.  The software is not working right. 

OK said std curve…and software not working right.  She has no idea how to create a standard curve!!!!!!!  Software works fine interface is FT Hell!!!!! 

Tech:  Ma’am…what is wrong with the curve? 

Caller:  I have to use a linear fit and I cannot make the line fit. 

Tech:  Ma’am, what is the range on your standards? 

Caller:  Well, OK….I go from 0 to 10,000 ppm. 

OMG….WTF is she thinking…..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  0 to 10,000 ppm and she is forcing the function…Wait I bet I got this one nailed…there is more…I know there is even more…..!!!!!! 

Tech:  Ma’am are you using offset? 

Caller:  NO…. 

Tech: How many injections per standard? 

Caller: 1

OH HELP ME …I am going to be on this one for an hour….Who the hell I mean how the hell…..I mean OMG I cannot even think anymore…I cannot believe….GEEEEZZZZZEEEEEEE 

NEXT: 

Caller:  Hi…I am a Chemist with…and my calibration won’t work.  I know this is a simple question; but, the software will just not work. 

OH SURE IT WILL IF WE REPLACE THE INTERFACE…..nothing wrong with the curve…it is the connection between the chair and the panel….Software does what you tell it to do!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Tech:  So what is the problem sir? 

Caller:  My data will not work with a linear fit…but if I use the quartic fit…it looks just great…so can you explain this…because I will have to justify it in my report…. 

OH well…good luck with that….that is just the end….THE QUARTIC FIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!….he had to dig deep for that one…QUARTIC FIT…hmmmm the quantum effect of ions…This is just amazing stuff…In my whole life….I cannot even begin to understand what you have done….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Contender for the Nobel….!!!! Sorry Later…BYE…I am out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a Chemist…and I am going where all good Chemists go!!!!!!!!!!  As Far away from you as I can get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

E-mail: Dear ~M,

Hi my name is xxxx PhD, MD, PE…from xxxx and I was wondering if you could please take a look at my data.  You have helped me before and I just cannot figure out why my amount columns keep showing NA.I set up my sequence and it ran perfectly but all my amout columns say NA.

Dear PhD, MD, PE X,

(OMG look at that-all those credentials let me quit breating right now-aren’t you embarassed!!!!!)I have looked at your data (YES, at each and every bit of that 25 MB file you sent me!!!!!) and your amount columns read NA (Because you SDA with the huge signature!!!!! I know you are stupid -don;t you feel stupid!!!!!) you did not enter the amounts for your standards in the amount table in your calibration file of your method.

Please see the attached, adjusted file.Yes you DA….I did your work for you so go ahead and have a GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Do not forget to send me that part of your paycheck I just earned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

~M

E-mail:

Hi!!! ~M, 

I am sending you my data…because I do not know what I am doing wrong.  You have helped me before and I was wondering would you PLEASE look at it and tell me how to fix it?

Senior Scientist, PhD, MS,

Dear Senior Scientist, PhD, MS,

(…Ad Infinitum!!!!…Oh let me just drop dead right here and now!!!!)  I have looked at the data you sent me (30 GDFing MB compressed file…1 month of GDF data-WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!).  I can see you are analyzing anions over a linear rang. However in your calibration file you are treating your Cl as CUBIC. I also see you are forcing the function thru zero (I am really holding back here…).It is rather unusual to treat 4 of your anions as linear and one as cubic. (Beats the hell outa me!!!!-4 treated as linear and 1 as cubic). If I adjust all of your curves to linear with offset…you can see that all the amounts fall into line and your R^2 is now 99.9999%.Please accept this data as a gift…a gift to the human race…I now know I have a calling in this life….and do not ever send me crap like that again…I know where you work…and I will hunt you down and shut you down.  Consider it an act of mercy with respect to the rest of humanty!!!

LOVE,~M

E-mail:

Dear ~M,

Hi this is…..How have you been?  I am attaching some data so you can fix it for me.  I have worked and worked and cannot get it to fit a straight line.  Please, Please, Please help me!!!!!! And my response factor it is all wrong. My spectra look awful.  I really need some guidance.

Gratefully Yours,Dr. XXX, Phd, MS, BS

Dear Dr. XXX (My most frequent  MFI-LMAO-I have to put unknown letters next to my name when I prove to the world I am hindered)I have reviewed your data and I can see you are analyzing cations using a XXX 7 Cation Standard.  (OMG-the tailing…the overloading, the linear function forced thru zero, the range OMFG…1 ppb - 10,000 ppb and…words could not describe)!!!!The ammonium anion is in each and every chromatogram (They are F$#@ing Chromatograms NOT Spectra and GUIDANCE…you need to go back to school); however,  you do not account for it in the calibration curve.  You have amounts for it in your tables, you have it tagged for cubic fit, but you negate it in every chromatogram (WTF is he normalizing against the NH4+ peak???-and that makes no sense unless he is doing a relative response factor)I can see you are treating it EXPONENTIALLY and forcing it thru ZERO.  Your data is out of the linear range if you are using a std range from 1 ppb - 10,000 ppb (OMFG range is 1 ppb - 10,000 ppb and 25 points too-did he think he would miss a spot….JFC here we go again integrating the circumfrence of the earth!!!)OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LA LA LA LA LA Please see all the adjustments I have made to your data in the attached file.ADIOS,  BYE BYE…forget my name and do never send me crap like that again…I swear by every breath I have left you will never ever do this again-HA HA as if anyone could repeat this mess again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Love,

~M

OH YIPPEE More SS…My Lucky Day!!!!!!!! 

Dear ~M, Hi, this is…. from XXYL …..Lab.  You have helped me in the past.  Can you tell me how to make a 1,000,000 x’s dilution with the software.  I keep trying to enter it and it will not stick.  It keeps kicking the number out.Kind Regards,PhD, MS, BSOMFG…a 1,000,000 x’s dilution.  OK then Well….let me see now….and this thought popped into her head BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Dear Dr. SFDA,The allowed range for dilution is:  0.0001 … 999999.9999

Dear ~M,

Could you please convey my disappointment to the software developers.  This is a serious flaw/fault in the XX program.  I would really appreciate it if they would fix that in the next version.  They really need to fix that.  It makes the software substandard.  Please tell them to rectify that prior to the next release.

Kind Regards,

PhD, MS, BS, AS

OH YEAH….YOU BETCHYA…I sure will.  Just let me walk my sweet ass right over to their office right now…..OH cannot wait to see the looks on their faces….LA LA LA LA LA LA LA…10, 9, 8, 7, YEP the building just fell down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HA HA HA HA ……I really need to consider in investing in Etch-A-Sketch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I  HAVE A SIMPLE QUESTION!!!….HOW ON EARTH IS IT POSSIBLE…I AM TRYING TO FATHOM THE ODDS…..I MEAN THE PROBABILITY OF ALL THESE PEOPLE NOT KNOWING HOW TO SET UP A CALIBRATION CURVE….BLAMING EVERYTHING ON THE SOFTWARE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO USE THE HELP FILE…I MEAN WE DID NOT ADD THAT IN THERE BECAUSE IT TOOK UP SPACE…..IT HAS A FUNCTION….IF YOU CAN HIT THE PANIC BUTTON ON THAT PHONE…CAN’T YOU USE THE HELP FILE IN THE SOFTWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »