You know you’re a Chemist when…

… The Mercedes symbol looks like an eclipsed conformation.
… The first thing you reach for in the morning are your prescription safety glasses.
… All your shirts have holes.
… All your scars are not from bar fights but from chemical burns.
… Someone offers you acid, but its not what you expected.
… Describing sexual positions you use SN1, SN2 and all your friends know what you are talking about. (Theoritically)
… Kids ask you how Santa fits through a small chimney and you reply, “Duh, tunneling effect.”
… You buy a sleeping bag but its not for camping trips.
… You BBQ with the Bunsen burner.
… You say its the size that matters, but you’re really talking about molecular radii.

… You have blisters from playing with your molecular model kit
… You are fed up of people saying alcohol, when they mean ethanol

… You hear the word ‘Molar’ and teeth are the last thing on your mind.
… You habitually wash your hands BEFORE and AFTER using the restroom
… When someone says ‘sodium’ you don’t think about salt, but you think about a clay-like metal that goes well with a big lake.

… You know what saline water is composed of

… You hear “ABS” and you think about acrylnitril-butadiene-styrol copolymer instead of anti-lock breaking system.

… You hear that someone had a bicycle crash and you think that he couldn’t handle working with Naphthalene.

… You stare at the bottle of water and begin to wonder how you would separate all those ions.

… When a friend offers you a glass of amaretto after dinner, you have a sip and say “Ahh, Benzaldehyde…”

… You look at a hexagonal-shaped cookie and think of benzene, not a hexagon.
… I and Me can be iodine and methyl when read…
… OH is a hydroxy group, not Ohio (and I even live in Ohio)

… The stick figures you draw are carbon and not people. (Unless you are CBC)

… when you are humming “dilution is the solution to pollution” while looking at a urinal.

… You put a vodka shot in a 100 ml beaker.
… You use two stirring rods as chop sticks.
… You use the magnetic stirrer as a mixer for your drinks.
… You use the chemostat as an aquarium.
… You use the fume hood as a closet.
… You don’t say table sugar but call it sucrose, and you call common table salt as sodium chloride.

… Someone says, “I love U” and you think they are talking about Uranium!
… You use coke not for drinking, but for cleaning pennies

… You realize your most visited site is not a pornographic one: it’s Chemistry Blog or Chemical Forums!

… You understand these jokes and laughed at them.

Now its your turn to contribute! Leave your jokes in the Comments Section.

Originally compiled from Chemical Forums

Edit 1: Biologists get into the game — You know you’re a biologist when…



  1. “You realize your most visited site is not a pornographic one: it’s Chemistry Blog or Chemical Forums!

    Don’t worry folks, this one is not all-inclusive.

    “… Describing sexual positions you use SN1, SN2 and all your friends know what you are talking about.”

    Ah yes, The SN1. It’s where you detach… you know, I’m just gonna stop there.

  2. I guess the good ol’ SN1 can be mysterious to a few..


  3. I’m a chemistry nerd… but some of those are just tooo nerdy. I mean… I guess I’ve done most of them in some form, but putting them out like that makes me feel really bad for doing it.

    Thanks, Mitch. I hate myself again.

  4. I like it…WOO HOO – just do not anyone ask me how to separate those ions in that bottle of water…LOL

  5. Oh… so true about the scars. Me got awsome one from a polymerization “accident”. Melted my watch (plastic) and burn my skin. Got a giant blister. However, my lab mate couldn’t get the bicycle joke. He’s a Natural Product, not a synthetic guy.

  6. The amaretto one rang sooo true. I always tell people that’s the smell and then waffle on about cyanide etc.

    The bicycle crash made me laugh out loud! Brilliant


  7. …Yeah, some of those are a little hopeless. I like the one about getting offered acid, though. Too bad it never happens.

  8. Several of those would also apply to Microbiologists. Especially the hand-washing one.
    We’d say “conjugation” instead of “sex”, though.

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  10. Pharmacist Jeanie says:

    And you know you are … when you are fed up with people saying “soap” when YOU KNOW THEY MEAN “detergent” !!!

  11. … You wonder why people would ever want to unionize. … And then you wonder how they became ionized to begin with.

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  13. William Penrose says:

    Dug this up from a post I made on sci.chem about 12 years ago:

    From: (William R. Penrose)

    – You keep a picture of Mme. Curie over your desk — and it turns you on.
    – You named your firstborn after one of the lanthanides, and than felt
    compelled to have more until you had the whole set.
    – When you had an unexpected sixteenth child, you just had to name him
    actinium, and now you’re not sure how to stop.
    – You know that Anal. Chem. is not the title of a raunchy video.
    – You think that fresh air smells bad.

  14. …you start to do something dangerous like chopping vegetables in the kitchen and realize you’re wandering around desperately looking for…your safety glasses.

    …you have ever said, “Honey, can you filter the noodles?”

    *guilty of both*

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  17. Thank you for your comment. I’ve read several similar topics! However, unlike other articles, yours left a lasting impression on me.

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